Relationships, like gardens, need to be tended to, otherwise they will die out of neglect, or become so overgrown as to strangle the healthy vegetation. In the tending of relationships, there are challenges. Whether a friend, a lover, a parent, a sibling, or a child, the needs of each participant, along with the needs of the relationship, must be addressed.
A love relationship is any relationship with love or strong feelings of caring for another person. In fact, it’s almost all of our relationships. There are challenges that need to be met so as not to degrade the integrity of each relationship. These are 5 of the most common challenges people face in love relationships:
l Over-caretaking.When people equate love with care taking and pleasing, they often bend over backwards to help, care for, attend to, etc. Then they feel resentful and hurt if the loved ones don’t appreciate their efforts (or tell them they’re treating them like children) Caring for others is great- but unhealthy over-caretaking shows up as controlling behavior. Additionally, people can lose themselves in the process of caretaking. On the flip side of this comes some aggression in caretaking, such as the “I’ll take care of you!” position.
l Wish for Twin-ning.Sometimes people may expect their loved ones to think, respond, speak, or act like they would. They might expect the other to make them happy and complete. In fact, there is no way another human being can make another one happy. They might contribute to it, but happiness is a process that each person essentially creates for oneself.
l Efforts to Change.We try to change or fix our loved ones. We may disguise this as “helping”, but we are really trying to make others be what we want them to be. In effect, we are telling them they are wrong to be the way they are. Unless their behavior is disrespectful or self destructive, it is best to accept others as they are.
l Insufficient Self Expression. We don’t set appropriate limits and keep healthy boundaries with our loved ones. We allow them to mistreat us and disrespect us. We don’t express our needs and desires clearly and appropriately. We let things build up until we either explode or withdraw.
l Criticism.We criticize them or make them wrong. This could be one of the most destructive communications of all. People are different. They think, respond, and act differently. Again, unless their behavior is destructive in some way, we need to be accepting, understanding, and appreciative of differences, while holding them accountable in respectful ways.
